Talk #1 What is the question?
PURPOSE:
To replace the search for self, with the search to belong. To change the focus of the search for one’s identity, from self-preoccupation to a discovery of one’s self in relationship with others.
OUTLINE:
a) Talk about your own search for meaning as a young adult, briefly explain your circumstances at that time.
b) Explain the inner questioning, the thoughts doubts, and tears you may have had about yourself at the time.
c) Show how you discovered more about yourself from your immediate family, spouse, or close friends.
SUGGESTIONS:
This is one of the most important talks because it is the first one. A good speaker will set the tone for the rest of the weekend. If one of the co-hosts is going to give a talk, this is a good one to do.
Some samples of talks are about the struggles in life and how we handled them. One person spoke of the peaks and valleys of life and how she realized that she was closer to Jesus during the valleys when she needed him the most. Another person spoke of a close friendship turned into a romantic one and what happened when that did not work out the way that they had wished.
TalkShop #1 What is the question?
Do I belong to anyone?
What does it mean to me to belong, and to not belong?
What is my reaction to belonging to someone?
Am I the kind of person who looks for his or her identity in what I do or in my relationships with others?
Describe your present relationship with your parents, brothers, and sister.
Setting the theme
Read slowly and thoughtfully.
Asking questions always has value. It is the wise person who knows the right question to ask. Often we can go through life asking the wrong questions. This is certainly true when it comes to our own selves. For many people today, “Who am I?” seems to be the question. Although there is much to be said in favor of this search, self-discovery cannot be accomplished by a person in isolation, as if he or she is an island unto themselves.
Reflected in Others
To look into ourselves, or reflect upon ourselves, as isolated individuals can become an act of introspection and nothing more. Often, it only makes us acutely aware of our own inadequacies, defects, and limitations On the other hand, while reflecting upon ourselves in the context of our relationships with those who love and listen to us, we can come to a truer sense of our identity.
We cannot deny that we belong to others and they to us. We didn’t come into existence by ourselves nor do we live our lives in a vacuum. In a real sense, significant others in our lives have made us who we are because of their love and care for us. It is in and through these significant relationships - parents, immediate family, the person we see on a regular basis or go out with, the people of our church community, God – that we are able to see ourselves in a different and clearer light. This balanced view of ourselves comes from belonging to others and allowing them to become significant to us. Those who have come to know and love us over the years can often tell us a greater deal about ourselves than can present friends or passing acquaintances. Unless we look into these relationships which have permanent quality to them, we are not able to see ourselves fully and clearly.
Belonging is...
To belong to another is to attach ourselves to that person in such a way that circumstances, emotions shared, or actions expressed will not break up the relationship. However, this doesn’t mean that we allow ourselves to be a pawn of the other person or to be controlled by the other. We don’t give up on ourselves or give in to the other we belong to. Rather, what is it to be absorbed in the joys and sorrow, triumphs and disappointments of the other person in our life and to allow the person to dwell and be present to us? This presence is based on a mutual and willing self-giving. When we belong to another, we take full and personal responsibility for the relationship. We do not simply settle for getting along with the other person. Rather, it is a continuous renewal of our relationship with the person. It requires a constant willingness to stay joined to that person. And no one is saying that is easy.
The Right Questions
To whom do I belong? What blocks me from belonging? These are the right questions. Our relationship with those to whom we belong didn’t just happen. It took years to develop. It is still going on. Or is it? Perhaps lately we haven’t been as active in building these relationships. Whether we want to start anew or not, whether we seek to belong to these significant relationships or not will have a profound affect and a personal meaning in our lives. Belonging is irreplaceable; our job, career, education, money or possessions can never substitute for the experience of knowing another and being known by the other, loving another and being loved by the other. Belonging to others and allowing them to belong to us is our destiny in life.
As best you can, explain your reaction
What is the Question?
1.Mark each line to indicate where you stand in relationship to:
father close______________distant
mother close______________distant
sister close______________distant
brother close______________distant
best friend close______________distant
other friends close______________distant
God close______________distant
Church close______________distant
2.Select the five items most significant to you.
_____ independence
_____ a sense of being loved
_____ a good job
_____ someone to belong to
_____ money
_____ many friends
_____ travel
_____ self-fulfillment
_____ faith in God
_____ a good education
_____ a quiet time to be alone
_____ close family ties
_____ a sense of purpose
_____ accomplishment
_____ service to others
_____ group to belong to
_____ other (specify)
1.With whom do you identify most in this passage? (Check one.)
____the person who looks for the lost sheep
____the lost sheep
____the ninety-nine safe sheep
____no one
2.Who are some of the people in your life who would search for you if you were lost?
3.Name and describe an incident in which you or someone in your immediate family was lost and then found. Be sure to convey what the feelings or reactions were to the situation.