Talk #5 Intimacy In Relationships
PURPOSE:
To proclaim the ideal of our sexuality is to be the expression of our commitment to belong totally to another in a permanent way.
OUTLINE:
a) Read Ephesians 5:1-10.
b) Express what you think Saint Paul was pointing out so strongly in this passage.
c) Talk briefly about your own reaction to your own sexuality as a young adult.
d) Share with the group what you have discovered since then about sex.
e) Then, briefly mention what you think Saint Paul's words are saying to you now about sexuality.
Suggestions:
This can be an uncomfortable talk to give. It should be given by a single young adult. Sometimes it is given by both a female and a male, pointing out the differences.
Examples of talks have been a single young adult talking about his virginity and why it is important to him. Other talks have focused on giving up their own virginity and how terrible they felt afterward. Some have talked about their vow to chastity after giving up their virginity.
TalkShop #5 Intimacy In Relationships
What are some characteristics of an intimate relationship? How can you achieve intimacy?
Why is intimacy/respect/openness important in any relationship?
What differences have you noticed in relationships without these qualities?
What levels of intimacy are there in your different relationships?
How does your relationship with God affect your relationship with others?
How is bringing intimacy into a relationship “life-giving”?
What are ways to develop intimacy in your relationships without ‘being physical’?
What prevents us from being intimate?
Could it be possible to be intimate without being vulnerable? How?
What are ways we can be intimate with God? And with the Church?
Suggestion: Instead of having talkshop questions like these, it has been very successful in letting the participants ask their own questions about sex and sexuality. These questions can be written on pieces of paper, gathered, then asked aloud by one person for discussion by the group. It is best if the talk team does not participate unless necessary, but just listen.
Intimacy In Relationships
Human sexuality is one of the most misunderstood aspects of life today. Sexuality is more than just gender or intercourse. Sexuality is about being human and expressing ourselves to each other as humans. God made us man and woman, and as men and women we relate to each other. We relate sexually in all our relationships because of who we are. We relate intimately on different levels; this is the essence of meaningful relationships. But what is intimacy? Intimacy is much more than mere physical closeness - it is emotional, spiritual, and intellectual sharing of who we are. To achieve intimacy, communication is essential.
There is much talk today about how men and women communicate differently. There are many differences and similarities, and, because of these, we need to be very sensitive to one another. Communication is the foundation of a good relationship and especially, chaste, intimate relationships. How aware and open we are to the needs, differences, uniqueness and qualities of the other person provides a foundation for any and all personal relationships. We can be open to someone who respects us. As single people, having a "great sex life" should mean great communication, honesty, affection and genuine intimacy. Taking time to know the other, appreciate the other and ultimately love the other person. It means, "I trust that you will love me for who I am, because you have taken the time to know who I am. You have not taken me for granted or lumped me in some category. Your approach is one of gentleness and you appreciate who I am and my mystery, those unknowns and the unexplainable. It is a marvelous adventure filled with awe at how wonderfully unique God made us."
We can ultimately give ourselves in a more vulnerable and life-giving way through marriage, if that is our calling. Giving of oneself to another in marriage will only make sense, and have meaning when each one has committed to a life long dialogue with the other person. "I need not fear that you will take advantage of my vulnerability, because I know that our relationship is more than a temporary experience for physical pleasure only. I know that with a lifetime commitment our loving communication creates an environment where mutual respect reigns and children will be welcomed and nurtured."
In conclusion, to be human means to be sexual, and to be sexual in a relationship with another means respect. As single people this respect means that I make positive choices about how I treat and touch the ones I love, not only physically, but emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually as well. Sexual communication that leads to intercourse has consequences that belong in marriage. For ourselves, as single people in the process of making choices for single or married life, sexual communication must lead to trust and mutual respect. Ultimately, openness, honesty, and respect in words and deeds are the foundation on which intimate relationships for both single and married people are built.
Reflect on, and discuss the following questions:
Triad questions:
1. What are some life-giving attributes of an intimate relationship? (Trust, acceptance, joy…please list some others)
2. With whom are we intimate?
3. Do we have to be intimate in all of our relationships? How do we decide?
4. How can we handle someone who is 'too intimate' too soon (for us)?
5. God created us to be intimate with Him. How does this affect and challenge our plans and dreams for our lives?
6. How far is 'too far'? When do you know?
7. Why be chaste in our relationships? How can that reflect respect?
8. What is the difference between chastity and celibacy?
9. What are some specific qualities I want others to see in me?
Big Group Questions:
1. What are some characteristics of an intimate relationship? How can you achieve intimacy?
2. Why is intimacy/respect/openness important in any relationship?
3. What differences have you noticed in relationships without these qualities?
4. What levels of intimacy are there in your different relationships?
5. How does your relationship with God affect your relationship with others?
6. How is bringing intimacy into a relationship "life-giving"?
7. What are ways to develop intimacy in your relationships without 'being physical'?
8. What prevents us from being intimate?
9. Could it be possible to be intimate without being vulnerable? How?
10. What are ways we can be intimate with God? And with the Church?